Life in the Fast Lane - Can't Be Arsed Photography / Ironic Iconic

Can't Be Arsed (CBA) photography is a type of photography whereby a photographist cannot find the energy or enthusiasm, nor garner the mental or physical resources required, to take the photograph as well as it could have been taken.

Indicators include poor framing of the subject when the camera operator could not be bothered to move very far from their current position. A common example is the inclusion of part of a car window showing that the picture was taken from inside the vehicle, when a 'better' shot would have meant getting out. It is a requirement of this type of CBA photograph that the miscreant could not be arsed to get out of the car.

Vale of Evesham from the M5

In defence of CBA, this does not mean that the resulting picture is inferior. The sense of place and transience in the picture above adds to my personal experience of the scene. I have only ever travelled through or past the Vale of Evesham on the way to some other place, I have never actually been there. Some of this transience is present in the picture.

Skeggy seafront in the rain at night

While CBAs may be characterised by giveaway features, they are not always easily identifiable. The picture of the amusement arcade on Skegness seafront in the rain feels very much like being there. The overall impression was a garish building against a dark and rainy sky. Quite frankly it did not matter whether the picture was taken from the shelter of the car or out in the street. The CBA giveaways include a reflection on the bonnet of the car at the bottom of the frame and rain drops on the windscreen. The 'not wanting to get out of the car in the rain' feeling is part of the picture.

CBAs should not be confused with 'grab-shots' which may exhibit some of the same characteristics but come about when a picture is 'grabbed' in a rush to avoid missing the shot altogether.

Millau Viaduct, France

It would have been difficult to get this picture any other way than from a car. The Millau bridge had recently opened to much publicity. We had driven the route before the bridge was built and it had taken several hours to descend into the valley, drive through the town, and rise to the opposite ridge, a journey of a few kilometres. The valley is now spanned by a bridge and the valley can now be crossed in a couple of minutes. We decided to visit the bridge on the way back from the Côte d'Azure and check out this marvel of civil engineering. This is the resulting grab shot.

The 'grab' aspect was down to a sudden realisation that we were on the bridge we had driven so far to see. The toll booths for vehicles travelling in either direction are on the other side of the bridge so we had no warning apart from the massive towers rising hundreds of feet into the air and being visible for miles in all directions; and a load of signs saying 'Millau Viaduct ahead'. Once we had crossed the bridge it would have been a real slog to turn around and go back - which I suppose is another variety of CBA. 

Anyway, I grabbed the camera and got this shot. CBA does not mean that no thought goes into a picture. It was not just luck that this shot turned out as well as (I think) it has. I took a second to check that the framing was approximately OK and that the car in front had just about disappeared as I wanted the feel of the empty road. There are seven pillars on the bridge and two slid by while I was going through this process, but I quite like the cables pouring in from the left, and the colours are very satisfying in a blue/gray sort of way.

There is another sort of CBA picture which are are simply not worth taking in the first place as there are lots of better pictures readily available elsewhere.

The Liver Building
(with triangle of Ford Mondeo in upper left corner)

This photo of the Liver Building in Liverpool is an example. I was parked outside waiting to meet someone. It was raining, the place was deserted and I thought ‘Ah, the Liver Building’. I know it is an iconic structure and that the principal features are the two domes and the Liver Birds. I was aware that taking a picture which showed only a hint of dome and no birds was in some senses ironic. But it would only make an interesting photograph if it were part of something larger. For example it could be one of a series of iconic buildings taken without their signature elements or even famous buildings I had managed to park outside without getting a ticket.  I may have started the collection already as not only do I have a poor quality photo taken in the basement of the Burj Khalifa, the tallest man made structure on the planet, but I managed to park outside it without getting a ticket (but I digress).

This picture of the Liver Building is only ironic by accident and contributes little to a fuller appreciation of the human condition. Many tourist pictures come into this category. There must be a billion awful photos of gurning idiots standing outside Buckingham Palace, the Empire State Building, Taj Mahal etc. Most are just a waste of time, there are usually much better pictures available for a few pence from local retailers…

Postcards of the Millau Viaduct on sale at the bridge visitor centre

…or online for even less.

The first few of several thousands of quality images of the Liver Building from Google

One assumes that tourist shots are usually to show to the folks back home that the tourist was actually there. Why not just show them the train, bus or plane ticket and get a decent photograph on a postcard? I will leave it to you to divine any deeper meaning behind such tourist pictures. 

Having said that, I took this picture of the Liverpool skyline, complete with Liver Birds on their domes, from Birkenhead or maybe Wallasey (it is a fine distinction to a southerner) to remind myself that I had been there on a bright morning with a 3D sky…

Liverpool skyline

The picture below was taken in the Mersey tunnel. I have stopped the car in the fast lane and laid out my Travel Lodge packed breakfast on the bonnet. The opportunity to do this was worth recording so  I took this truly lazy photo from the driver's seat which neither makes it clear that I am in the Mersey tunnel, that I am stationary, or that the breakfast is not actually on the dash - you'll just have to take my word for it. What a waste of time.

The 'breakfast' was donated by Travel Lodge by way of
a pathetic apology for having given my room away to
someone else the night before. They also ended up paying
around £80 in compensation (but that’s another story).

Anyway, there is probably a lot more which could be said on the subject of Can’t Be Arsed photography. For instance, it is not just about staying in the car, but what ever might be said is unlikely to add much to the basic thesis and besides, I can't be bothered.

The Chelsea Cabbage Show

There is a backstage 'best garden' competition for Chelsea production folk. Last year Herb won a Silver medal for his Safety Garden. This year's brief required "Innovation, Sustainability (liquid) and the inclusion (this year only) of fantastic creatures OTHER THAN GNOMES (which the judges feel have been rather overdone)" 

The Brief

Again the garden was inspired by Herb whose cabbage plants provided the central theme.

The Banner

The Blurb

The Brassicas


The Bait (and sustainability element)

The water feature
(just incase we had misunderstood 'Sustainability (liquid)' in the brief)

The Fantastic Creature*

However the display of edibles needed some context and Simon demonstrated a surprising ability to source and arrange a wide range of plants, props and materials to show the garden off in style.

The Flower Arranger / Scrounger assesses the display

Herb waits for the judges.

The judges arrive...

...assess...

...and take the bait.

Due to work of a very important nature we missed the awards ceremony but managed to grab this quick shot of the judges deciding what to do next. We imagine the ceremony included words to the effect that...

"...the Gold goes to The Cabbage Garden"
[cheers, applause etc from the vanquished competitors]

The Medal

The Cabbage Garden in all its splendour

Result!

*The Fantastic Creature: The person who actually leaves the office when the fire alarm goes off.

Chelsea Flower Show - History of the wheelbarrow...

In the early days, before mechanical handling, rocks and other gardeny things were manhandled and carried in wheelbarrows which were carved from solid oak and weighed a couple of tons when empty.

Wheelbarrows have progressed since then. Four early iterations are shown here, with their principal usurper lurking in the background.  

An alternative view of the same thing...

This is a hybrid barrow from John Deere.

And here are some more...

I'm bored now... can I stop? 

[Yes - Ed.]

Chelsea Odd One Out Competition /2

Fabulous Prizes to be Won

Answers in the comment box below

Chelsea Gnome Show - Little and Large

Gnome fever continues with the unveiling of the 100th anniversary commemorative sculpture.

A Gnaurd of Honour

The media appeared more interested in the little people than the large sculpture.

The law of unintended consequences is alive a well in SW3

Gnomestonbury Flower Show

Gnomestonbury. 

Michael Eavis blags his way into
Chelsea Flower Show.

This is the first time in 100 years that this disguise could work.

Chelsea - Shed End

The Hemingways Shed Quarters

'Hind Quarters' may have been a more appropriate title...

...and continuing the bum-theme, a water butt

...also available in brown.

Chelsea Royals

Always good to have a spare. Ask any responsible monarch.

Chelsea Gnome Show

The 99 year ban on gnomes at the Chelsea Flower Show was lifted this year so The Gnome Appreciation Society snuck a couple in.

They appear to be making up for lost time.

Welcome...

Chelsea Gnome Show-ho-ho

Ho-ho-hose all round.

My! How we laughed...

Chelsea Odd One Out Competition /1

Fabulous Prizes to be Won

Answers in the comment box below

It's on the post

The wire attached to this post is about the size of a phone cable, indeed it probably is a phone cable. The GPO (now BT) used to attach them to a fitting screwed directly onto the wall, but these guys appear to have gone for the overkill option.

I await developments with interest. Well, not exactly interest, but it would be good to see an anvil, or some other substantial load hanging from it one day to justify the effort and expense.

Clement Attlee v Margaret Thatcher

I do not feel inclined to let today's events in London pass without comment - sorry:

The reverence accorded to Margaret Thatcher needs be seen in context. I did very well out of Thatcherism, but then I am a (reasonably) well educated, middle-class white man from the south east of England, so the chances are that I would. I also won with the National Health Service,  free further education, easy employment when I wanted to work and a very generous social security system for when I didn't. Oh yes, and the minute I bought a house, property values soared, securing me a valuable asset for later. My generation got all the goodies and then pulled the drawbridge up behind us. Thatcher would be proud of that, hell, she was proud of that.

She was my MP in the 1960s when I lived in Finchley, I disliked her then, grew to distrust her and finally to detest her and everything she and her bully-boy government stood for. But time has mellowed me [Not much - Ed.] and it is time for a more objective take on it all, in a subjective way of course.

Leaving aside the lack of precedent for what is in effect a state funeral for someone who was not a head of state,  does not have the suport of the whole (or even half) of the population, and was not a 'national treasure', her ceremonial funeral is costing in the region of £10m. The chances are that the majority of the bill will be paid by the tax payer - and I doubt the £10m includes 'lost production' while the great British public, lucky enough to have a job, watch the display at their workplaces, or just take the day off. All this in the same week as the disabled and unemployed have their benefits cut to save the public purse £100m, the equivalent of a handful of City bonuses.

This was the Prime Minister who did not know the meaning of the word compromise,  who brought the 'big bang' to the City of London and paved the way for what turned out to be unregulated financial services that destroyed the savings and pensions of millions of Britons, sowed the seeds of the greatest, and most destructive social divide between the 'haves' and the 'have-nots' since Victorian times, and celebrated greed and personal gain over communal wellbeing. She also befriended General Pinochet in Chile (if you don't know, Google him), thought of Nelson Mandela as a terrorist and, and, and...

Many who revere her appear to have done very well out of Thatcher and her spiteful regime. They seem to see the cost of things rather than their value. They have bought into the gung-ho simplicity of Thatcherism 'making Britain great' again. Maybe one of them can tell me how that greatness manifests itself? Preferably without recourse to saying how extreme the unions were in the 1970s. At the same time, maybe they can explain how extremes in either direction are anything but divisive.

Time of course will tell exactly how much damage her crass worship of market forces will wreak on our society, but while we wait here is a summary of the various achievements of two British Prime Ministers as recorded on the official Downing Street web site:

Margaret Thatcher
1979 - 1990

Major acts

Housing Act 1980

Gave security of tenure, and the right to buy homes, to tenants of local authorities and other bodies.

http://www.number10.gov.uk/past-prime-ministers/margaret-thatcher/

Clement Attlee

1945 - 1951

Major acts

National Health Service Act 1946

Made healthcare free on the basis of citizenship and need rather than the payment of fees or insurance premiums

National Insurance Act 1946

Introduced social security, in which persons of working age had to pay a weekly contribution and in return were entitled to a wide range of benefits when they could no longer work

Coal Industry Nationalisation Act 1946, Electricity Act 1947, Transport Act 1947

Nationalised the coal industry, electricity utilities, railways and long-distance haulage

Town and Country Planning Act 1947

Planning permission now required for land development; ownership alone no longer sufficient

Children Act 1948

Established a comprehensive childcare service, reforming services providing care to deprived and orphaned children

Nurseries and Child-Minders Regulation Act 1948

Paid child-minders now registered and regulated; inspection regime in place to check their methods and facilities meet basic minimum standards

National Parks and Access to the Countryside Act 1949

Allowed the creation of National Parks and Areas of Outstanding Natural Beauty in England and Wales, gave the public rights of way and access to open land

http://www.number10.gov.uk/past-prime-ministers/clement-attlee/

Hmmm.

The Bad News and the Good News

Have you heard the bad news?

No, what happened?

We're out of Champagne.

Oh.

Never fear, there's the emergency Crément d'Alsace

That'll do nicely...

The long-anticipated, impromptu, and
poorly attended, Poulet street party.

"Oh, to be in England now that April’s there And whoever wakes in England sees, some mourning, unaware..." (with apologies to Robert Browning)

"Oh, to be in England now that April’s there

And whoever wakes in England sees, some mourning, unaware..."
(with apologies to Robert Browning)

"Oh, to be in England now that April’s there

How the mighty are fallen.

Another bit fell off  Brighton's West Pier during recent storms.

I thought I'd drive by and take a last look at the crumbling Victorian relic before it disappeared altogether.

As I watched, the starlings started to gather. They stopped gathering almost immediately, maybe it was a starling bank holiday.

No one thronged the beach or the promenade to watch this minor murmuration.

Just me and a couple freezing their arses off on the beach...

Batman and the Pavilion Proxy Paradox

I tend to be out of the country during elections. This is good as it means I miss most of the pre-election razzmatazz. It is less good because I have to go to some lengths to exercise my franchise which is something I feel I should do.

Fortunately, I have the option of appointing a proxy who can vote for me. I am in the happy position of having Green MEP, Keith Taylor, as my proxy which means that not only does he have to schlep down to the polling station for me, but he is ideally placed to advise me on how to vote in the event that I am unsure.

Keith ignores pier

Just such a situation is looming now. In a few days time we are being treated to the chance to vote for a police commissioner. We are told that the old police authorities are being scrapped to make way for politically appointed, sorry, democratically elected commissioners. This sucks as it is likely to result in a competition to please all of the people all of the time which of course will fail. So they will try to please the loudest people by pandering to the lowest common denominator. Think X Factor or Britain's Got Talent with tasers [Hmmm, nice idea - Ed.]. 

Expect to see a pillory and stocks on the Steine sometime soon. No doubt the ever resourceful Mears & Co will be on hand to sell rotten vegetables.

My instinctive image of a police commissioner is Commissioner Gordon:

"I think the Pavilion is that way..."

but we will not be offered anything as entertaining and the Dashing Duo and Gullible Gordon on this occasion. It turns out that Brighton’s three front runners are this lot:

The Tiresome Trio (who cares what their names are)

Of course the opinion polls indicate that most people don’t give a damn. Very few seemed to know about police authorities and even fewer care about replacing them with party apparatchiks. This may actually be a good thing. One way to discredit an elected position is for a very low turn-out at the polls.

Even Ian Blair, ex-commissioner of the Metropolitan Police is urging people not to vote.

So my proxy, Keith, is going to not vote for me. This is a little perverse as I could have not voted myself.

Come to think of it I am not voting… That means I will be not-voting twice.

Is this an offence?